there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
