If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
