i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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