We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i think my cat just said my name.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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