the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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