Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
