I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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