grandma shit on top of the toilet
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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