Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
