and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm both gender and math confused
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
