It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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