Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
