Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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