the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
