Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
