a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
