Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
