please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
