super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
