I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
