she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
