i just wanna soil my oats bro
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
