Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I will be naked everywhere
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
