YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
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