I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There's always time for handjobs
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
