1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
