i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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