ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
