I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize