It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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