Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
