Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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