maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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