I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
soo... how was my night?
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