1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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