The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
