A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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