tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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