I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Randomize
