i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
