Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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