Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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