She is in my trunk
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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