would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
