First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
being pregnant is like rehab
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
