She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
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