I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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