I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
