i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize