dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
