If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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