accomplished twins. life is a go
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
