Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
hell yes lets make some ravioli
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
where does the pee come out of this thing
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
