Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
