You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
