why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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