Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
