..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It's Friday. Sex?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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