all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm sobbing to NWA
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
