Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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