Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
