Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize