am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
