I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
