PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
