she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
