We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
