i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so that wasnt chicken after all
I need to stop coming to work sober
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
