I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
