Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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