he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
