What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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